Ah Beng Joke

•19 June 2008 • 6 Comments

Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his phone book & said, “My mobile no. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is 6610.”

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Ah Beng: I am a proud because my son is in Medical College.

Friend: Really, what is he studying?

Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

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Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.

Dr.: Take this tablet, you will be OK.

Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

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Ah Beng: If I die, will you remarry?

Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?

Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

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Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying, “Parking Fine.”

He writes a note and sticks it to a pole which says, “Thanks for compliment.”

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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Teacher: “I killed a person,” convert this sentence into future tense.

Ah Beng: The future tense is, “you will go to jail.”

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Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”

Servant: “It’s already raining.”

Ah Beng: “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

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A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the evening and not in the morning.

Ah Beng replied, “Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM!”

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PD Trip

•18 June 2008 • 1 Comment

Port Dickson trip begins in Kajang, our meet up point. We drove up straight to Malacca for lunch. Awesome chicken rice balls at Jonker’s. After lunch, we had desert which is durian cendol with gula Melaka. Headed over to Dewan Pahlawan, it’s kind of like Kuala Lumpur’s Mid Valley. After that, we started the journey up to Port Dickson. Reached our camp site at some remote area and we were not satisfied with the condition of the site and thus stayed in another hotel which is the Golden Straits Villa. BBQ was fun especially trying not to get the meat and hot dogs overcooked. Oh well, hope we won’t die of cancer. We went out at 3am to visit other hotels along the main road and ended up yum cha at a mamak. On the way back, there was a police road block and they pulled us over for a chat. On Sunday, we stayed at Bayu Beach Resort, next to the Royal Port Dickson Yatch Club, my previous club which I used to go sailing. Celebrated Kin Wai’s 20th birthday at night. We went out at 3am again for yum cha at the same mamak. Monday afternoon, we were at the beach being creative with our work of arts. Came back to KL in the evening.

Ways you’re wasting gas.

•10 June 2008 • Leave a Comment

It’s not easy to break bad driving habits, but if you don’t, the money you lose on gas could wind up breaking your bank.

With all the worry over fuel prices, you’d think drivers would do whatever they can not to waste gas. But look around and you’ll see lots of them tooling around as if they owned their own tanker fleet. One of them might be you. Here are six ways drivers typically waste gas every on every trip:

1. Racing away from green lights.

When the light turns green, you don’t have to take off as quickly as possible. That pedal under your right foot is called the “gas pedal” for a good reason. The more you press down on it, the more gas you’re pumping into the engine.

Press lightly on the gas pedal, and you’ll still accelerate, and you’ll still get where you’re going. You might be surprised at how little pressure it takes to get your car up to speed in a reasonable time.

2. Racing up to red lights.

When you’re driving down the street, and you see a light red light or stop sign up ahead, you should lay off the gas sooner rather than later.

There’s no point in keeping your foot on the gas until just before you reach the intersection. Let off the pedal sooner and give your engine a rest as you coast to the stop while braking gently. As an added benefit, your brake pads will last longer, too.

By themselves, these first two tips can improve your fuel economy around town by as much as 35 percent, according to tests conducted.

3. Confusing the highway with a speedway.

Even if it doesn’t involve hard acceleration, speeding wastes gas. The faster you go, the more air your vehicle has to push out of the way. It’s like moving your hand through water. The faster you try to move your hand, the harder the water pushes back.

In tests results shows that driving at 120km/h instead of 100km/h reduced fuel economy by between 1 and 2km per litre, depending on the vehicle.

4. Bumper-buzzing.

Tailgating is a bad move for many reasons. First of all, it’s unsafe. You reduce your ability to react if the car in front of you slows or stops. It also means you have to pay ultra-close attention to that car which reduces your ability to scan for other hazards ahead of you and to the sides.

And tailgating wastes gas. Every time the driver ahead taps his brakes, you have to slow down even more than he did. That’s because you can’t react immediately so you have to slow even more because you’re slowing down later. Then you accelerate again to get back up to speed and resume your bumper-buzzing routine.

Hang back and you’ll be safer – plus you’ll be able to drive more smoothly and use less fuel. A good rule of thumb is to allow two seconds of space between your car and the one ahead. You can figure that out by counting off two seconds after the car in front of you passes an obvious landmark like an overpass.

5. Driving standing still.

You’ve probably heard that it takes more gas to restart a car than to let it run. Maybe that used to be true, but it isn’t anymore. With modern fuel-injection engines, it takes very little extra gas to restart a car once it’s warmed up.

Idling, meanwhile, burns about more than a kilometer worth of gas every minute, according to reports. That’s why hybrid cars shut down their gasoline engines whenever they stop, even for a moment.

Now you don’t want to shut your engine down for every little stop in your regular, non-hybrid car – it’s not designed for that – but if you’re waiting for someone to run in and out of a convenience store, turn off the engine.

And don’t go through the drive-through at fast food restaurants. You’re already paying enough for the oil in those chicken nuggets.

Don’t idle your engine to let it warm up before driving. It does your engine no good and it wastes gas. Instead, start driving right away, but drive gently until the engine is warm.

6. Short hops.

For really short trips, take advantage of the opportunity to get some exercise. Try walking to the store instead of driving. You can save gas and burn a few calories instead.

If you can’t hoof it, save up your errands. A lot of short hops that let the engine cool down at home between trips can use twice as much gas as starting the car once and making a big sweep to all your stops, according to reports.

Go to your farthest destination first so your engine has a chance to reach its optimal operating temperature. Then make your other stops on the way back. With the engine warmed up, the car will restart easily and run efficiently all the way home.

Updates:

The most fuel efficient car in the local market: Honda Civic Hybrid.

Two Seaters: Smart for 2, Mazda MX-5.

Minicompact: Mini Cooper, Volkswagen New Bettle Convertible.

Subcompact: Toyota Vios, Toyota Yaris.

Compact: Honda Civic, Toyota Corolla.

Midsize: (can’t think of any at the moment)

Large: Honda Accord, Hyundai Sonata.

Small Station Wagon: Honda Jazz.

Sports-Utility Vehicle (SUV): Ford Escape.

Performance: Audi TT Coupe.

More cars: Honda City, Nissan Sentra, Perodua Viva.

Diesel: Ford Ranger, Isuzu D-MAX.

Poker joke

•8 June 2008 • Leave a Comment

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is. “Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.” Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.” She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!” Rippington says, “I’ll tell him.

How to get better gas milage?

•7 June 2008 • 5 Comments

In conjunction with the increase of petrol prices recently, I want to shed some light on saving money at the pump. Hope this benefits drivers out there. =)

Things you’ll need:

1. Common sense.

2. A change in the way you drive.

3. A little patience.

Tip 1. Measure your car’s fuel consumption (KM/L). Then you’ll be able to see whether your driving changes are paying off or not.

Tip 2. Maintain your car to it’s optimum standard. Ensure your tires are at their correct pressure. Check your air filter and make sure it is clean. Use a lower viscosity oil.

Tip 3. Change your driving style. Changing your driving style can not only increase your gas mileage, but also make you a safer driver. The following things can be done to increase your mileage:

Accelerate slowly after stops. Do not step on the gas to accelerate from a stop. If you have an automatic car, allow the automatic trasmission to start your car moving my just taking your foot off the break. Then when you accellerate, use the gas pedal lighly.

Look ahead at the traffic, and traffic lights. If you see the traffic lighs change, do not continue accelerating, take your foot of the gas and allow the car to roll up to the stopping point. Rememver whatever energy you put into the car (using gas) you have to remove by using the break.

Drive slower. Taking an extra 5 minutes to get to your destination may save you a couple of KM, which overall adds up to a few ringgit per day.

Tip 4. Do your best to avoid stopping and going in traffic jams. Allow a little more room between you and the car in front so that if that car stops, you can continue to slowly move towards it until that car moves again. Thus illevating the need for you to come to a complete stop. Remember, getting your car moving from stop requires more energy (gas) than to keep your car moving at a crawl.

Tip 5. Use cruise control. Not just to maintain speed, but also to manage accelleration and speed changes. To do this, once you reach about 50 km/h, activate the cruis control, and then adjust your speed using the ‘Accel’ and ‘Decel’ buttons. Of course this is only available for certain cars. =P

Tip 6. Turn your engine off at stop lights. If you arrive at a stop light that you know has a long cycle time. Put your car in neutral, and turn your engine off. This can often give you the greatest saving in gas mileage. Some times traffic light cycle time can be upwards of 5 minutes. That is a whole 5 minutes of not buring gas uselessly. In actual fact, this is one of the main areas that a hybrid allows higher gas mileage. I personally wouldn’t recommend this but it’s worth a try. Does anyone remember the HOTLINK advertisement on TV where the guy has to rev his car up the hill and turn off the engine while rolling down? It does make sense huh? Lol.

Tip 7. Change into neutral (N) for long coasting to a stop. This is a contraversial method because it can levae you with less control over you car. For example, when doing this on a down grade, the engine is not acting as a breaking system, and so the speed may get away from you. However, you must not change back to drive (D) while the car is still moving because it’ll kill your gearbox. I just had mine replaced and it costs a bomb!

Tip 8. Once again, record your gas mileage, and adjust your techniques to find the optimum driving style.

If you’re thinking of pumping regular petrol (RON 92) for your car, forget it. It might increase you fuel consumption and you will gain nothing in return. Stick to the usual premium petrol (RON 95) and you won’t go wrong. For sport cars, I recommend pumping Shell V-Power as it would deliver better performance and also more gas milage.

Alternatives to petrol cars: Diesel cars, hybrid cars and NGV. To learn more, click here.

That’s all for now readers. I’ll update once I’ve found out which products that can be used to help save some fuel and actually works. Stay tuned.

Updates:

Lose weight – save gas! If you planning to buy a more fuel efficient car, go for the ones which are lighter. To those who are overweight, exercise regularly to keep fit. I’m terribly sorry, no offence meant though.

Add bling-blings to your car. Have your conventional steel wheels changed to alloy or aluminum wheels.

Get rid of your spare tyre. Use air pump as an alternative. I’m sure I’ll get you to you to the nearest destination to get it changed.

Get rid of unnecessary items in your car, even if it means your car’s back seat! (thanks E).

United: Kings of Europe!

•22 May 2008 • 4 Comments

Manchester United 1 Chelsea 1

Ronaldo (26) Lampard (45)

Penalty

United 6: Tevez, Carrick, Hargreaves, Nani, Anderson, Giggs.

Chelsea 5: Ballack, Belletti, Lampard, A Cole, Kalou.

United are Champions of Europe for the third time after beating Chelsea in dramatic fashion… 6-5 on penalties.

I got tagged. No music, no life!

•20 May 2008 • 8 Comments

The Golden Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

1. How are you feeling today?
Mercy by Duffy. [Exams, begging for mercy!]

2. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
I’m yours by Jason Mraz [Do whatever you want.]

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Boyfriend/Girlfriend by C-Side [Companionship.]

4. Will you get far in life?
Leavin’ by Jesse McCartney [Let the pass go, life goes on.]

5. What do you think about very often?
American Boy by Estelle ft. Kanye West [Gosh, I’m not gay! Totally unrelated.]

6. What is 2 + 2?
Can’t Speak French by Girls Aloud [Let the music do the math. =P]

7. What’s your best friend’s theme song?

Let Love Lead The Way by Spice Girls [Title says it all.]

8. What is the story of your life?
Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae [Wonderful as it is.]

9. What is/was your high school like?
Just Like A Pill by Pink [Heal me from stupidity.]

10. What is your motto?
Better In Time by Leona Lewis [Time heals.]

11. What’s the best thing about your friends?
Good Life by Kanye West ft. T-Pain [Living a good life.]

12. What do you think of the person you like?
Something About You by Jamelia [Awesome.]

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off by Fall Out Boy [Perhaps.]

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Love In This Club by Usher ft. Young Jeezy [*wink wink* *hint hint* =P]

15. Describe your grandparents.
Home by Michael Buble [Unity.]

16. How’s your life going?
Won’t Let You Fall by Fergie [Someone’s always there for me. =)]

17. What is your biggest fear?
Tear Drops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift [Afraid of losing someone dear to me.]

18. What will be played at your funeral?
Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) by Spice Girls [Friends for eternity.]

19. What is your hobby/interest?

Don’t Stop The Music by Rihanna [Let’s dance! New interest.]

20. Will you have a happy life?
Tattoo by Jordin Sparks [Yeah!]

21. What do your friends really think of you?
Break The Ice by Britney Spears [I’m an ice breaker.]

22. Do people secretly lust after you?
Touch My Body by Mariah Carey [Geez, I wonder who.]

23. How can you make yourself happy?
Photograph by Nickleback [Looking at photographs or pictures makes me happy.]

24. Will you ever have children?
Oxygen by Colbie Caillat [Not too many.]

25. What song would you strip to?

There’s Nothing by Sean Kingston ft. Paula De Anda [I have nothing to hide. =P]

26. What does your mom think of you?
4 Minutes by Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake [She needs to save me from the cruelty around the world.]

27. What do you think of your parents?
Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park [They care about me more than I know.]

28. What is your deep, dark secret?

Feedback by Janet Jackson [Perhaps.]

29. What is your enemy’s theme song?
Stronger by Kanye West [Geez, why so?]

30. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Love Song by Enya [Perfect song!]

I tag: Lester, Joy, Grace, Robyn and Pauline.